Hurting
by accionerds
Summary: Amy's draining her mistake in alcohol. Will Lauren be able to help her? Or can only Karma reach the place in her heart that needs fixing? Amy/Lauren Friendship and possible Karmy
1. Chapter 1

Amy drained the bottle, enjoying the dizziness and disconnection from her emotions. Slamming the bottle down on a nearby table she found herself slightly unsteady on her feet. But who gives a fuck. None of this matters, the girl that tried to talk to her at the bar was hot but she didn't matter, Shane attempting to hit on some guy didn't matter, the emptiness her heart was feeling shouldn't matter either but it still killed her. Even when she was drunk and felt nothing else it was still there, the hurt and the pain over all of it. As built up as it was, losing her virginity didn't matter to her it was dizzy and vague and physically it felt okay but it wasn't _the moment_.

The moment everyone had talked about since they learned what sex was, the magical and romantic night and the dream of losing your stupid fucking purity to someone who is your whole world and someone who loves you. It's all bullshit. All through it she kept thinking about that one moment when Karma's head was on her shoulder, saying she wanted to have sex with someone who loved her and how she had fucking hoped it would be her, god knows she loved Karma. And her heart hurt at the thought of Karma doing the same as her, but being completely into it. Love fucking sucks but what the hell does it matter in the end? The pain of the soul crushing moment washed back into her mind, so she drowned it in alcohol.

Leaning heavily against the bar for support she felt soft hands on her back, steadying her. She felt hope leak into the empty hole in her heart when she turned and faced Lauren.

"Okay like I know all of this shit is going on but you're gonna do something fucking stupid if you keep doing this every other night. You literally reek of alcohol." Lauren's voice broke through Amy's mind as she found herself dragged towards the exit.

"W-Why do you care?" The words were clumsy and slurred out of her mouth.

"Because I actually have feelings," The look Amy gave her was full of doubt and mistrust, "but if you need me to be completely bitchy and selfish all the time then I need someone else too, and that person needs to be more put together than you are now. There are better ways of dealing with this shit Amy." Lauren's sharp and sarcastic tone softened at the last sentence. Numbly Amy nodded and got into Lauren's car.

Until she was left alone in bed, having been treated like a small child by an impatient Lauren, God that girl was not suited to helping drunks, she kept the tears in. Until she curled up into the pillow and let the tears stream down her face freely and whispered into the night, "I just want her."

**Really short I know but I just wanted to see if anyone was interested in the idea of this?**


	2. Chapter 2

Amy groaned as she woke up. Her mouth tasted vile and her head thumped slightly. Rolling over in her bed she saw a glass of water by her bed and sipped it. Her eyes were sore and movement hurt her head. She was about to get up and get some painkillers when she saw the pills resting on the night stand. A hazy memory of Lauren confused her and she would have assumed it was a dream if it wasn't for the glass and pills left for her. She thought of Lauren at their parent's wedding with the cake and remembered what she had said about Tommy. Maybe she had shit going on too, so why was Amy the only one going off of the rails?

The days were so fucking weird lately, Amy came down for breakfast and avoided meeting her mom's eyes. The mom who was so fucking happy about her daughter's mistake. Every time Shane suggested going out, in complete ignorance of what Amy's heart was going through, she actually agreed and felt glad about it. The last few times they went out she had actually suggested it and had thought Shane was about to have a heart attack over that one. Then Amy stood in bars and clubs full of people she hated, fuck knows she hated everyone but _her_ and she drank. She drank until all the pain was dulled and her mind could quieten down. She drank until it seemed like she actually could walk over to some hot girl and forget everything in that girls lips. To feel something and realise that she could get over Karma. God knows she knew straight people could be persuaded. But every time she walked over to one she realised that she didn't want them. Not in the slightest. It made her want the ease and the love she felt around Karma. And then she drank more and stumbled home. Her mom was thrilled that she was going out and "having fun like a normal teenager", didn't even care about the drinking. Shane was happy that she was now outgoing and put it down to her "moving on".

But did Lauren actually see what was happening? She hadn't given the girl a second thought before. How the hell did her mom ever do this? With every guy and every ex husband she had got it together and moved the hell on, Amy had thought too quickly but it seemed much healthier now. And she knew she was fucked when she envied her mom's love life.

Having drifted off to sleep she awoke again with the pain having faded from her head. But her mouth felt dry again and she stepped out of bed, grabbing her bacon sweats she pulled them on and left the shirt she slept in on. Picking up the empty glass she went into the bathroom to fill it. Stepping back into her bedroom she was treated to Lauren prancing in, fully dressed and made up. What time was it?

"Not that I eat fast food but if I did then maybe I got you some too." She tossed a paper bag onto Amy's bed and paused before turning towards the door.

"Hey Lauren?" Amy's voice came out cracked through her dry throat.

"Yeah?"

"Did you wanna eat with me?"

Pausing for a second Lauren moved back into the room, then remembering herself she said "only because your'e clearly falling apart and now we are related it is bad for my image," then muttering softly "not that my image is going to be worth much when Tommy opens his mouth."

"Tommy's an idiot." Amy said, moving onto the bed and unwrapping a burger and fries, realising how hungry she was when the smell hit her.

"I know, but he was my idiot." Came the softer, sadder reply.

"God I didn't know you got so attached."

"I'm trying here, it's fucking sad to be only friends with your mom so maybe you could try too."

"I didn't mean it like that, I mean I guess I did but like I thought you two were more of a...physical thing." Amy was almost disgusted with the thought of the last words she said.

"We were. It was meant to be the same as any other relationship with me. I was in charge and he followed me but he has some odd fucking charm. I don't even know. But you're one to talk about purely physical things."

"Karma and I were never even physical though, it's really the opposite..." Amy trailed off when she met Lauren's sharp gaze and her raised eyebrows, "shit, what did my mom tell you?"

"She was preaching about your so called conversion to heterosexuality and I was curious okay? So how was it?"

"What'd you mean?"

"Well you are obviously attracted to fucking Karma and I'm assuming other girls but how was it with a guy? Like did you like it?"

"I mean...it didn't feel bad physically but like I wasn't really into it. Maybe I was too drunik or maybe he's not that good at sex?"

Lauren laughed, in that instant Amy felt almost mad at her but she repressed it. This was a different conversation to the one with Shane, he seemed more gossipy and fascinated. Lauren seemed to just want to talk. Amy remembered to try to be nice.

"Sorry but it's _Liam Booker_, you think he would repeatedly score with as many girls as he has if he sucked at sex?" She had a point.

"I don't know. Maybe I should ask Karma." Lauren heard the tones of hurt seeping into Amy's voice and realised something.

"Oh." Amy looked up and nodded before becoming fascinated with the last few bites of her hamburger and chewing slowly. "But anyway maybe you and guys just aren't right." Lauren shrugged and dropped the matter before saying one more thing.

"Karma's a bitch."

**So yeah I'm still not quite sure where I am with this or whether to continue it.**


	3. Chapter 3

Amy stared at the ceiling thinking for the millionth time that she should really do something, or sleep. But all of her concentration was drained by unhealthy as fuck thoughts. She thought about the way Karma hugged her tightly, how comforting it was. Every part of her screamed for that, she needed it. Loneliness that could only be quenched by Karma was the only thing that gripped Amy tightly then. Parts of her were hoping still, even though every part of her brain screamed that it would not happen her heart was still hoping, that she would return her feelings.

She still didn't understand it. She had seen the way Karma looked at her, and during the threesome, that fucking stupid threesome, Karma's eyes had been on Amy. She knew that she had felt something, just like after the assembly.

Fuck it was pathetic but she couldn't let go of the sure as fuck feeling that Karma had loved her. Or that Karma had felt something during that kiss. That fucking kiss, no one could fake that. Could they? There wasn't much time between the threesome attempt and the fucking wedding, how the hell could someone's feelings change that quickly? Could they even do that? Or had she just imagined Karma feeling something?

_No. _She knew. Something inside her knew that there had been something there. She couldn't say whether it was love or just lust but it was _fucking something_. She was almost completely sure of it.

**It's so short but hopefully I should have the next chapter up within a day or two so y'know review?**


	4. Chapter 4

Lauren sighed, leaning against the counter of the bathroom and staring her mirror image straight in the eye. And for yet another night she did wonder how the hell Tommy had thought that of her, that he could have thought that she was _male._

No matter how much explaining she did for him it didn't seem to change his perspective. But what difference did it make? She was born differently but she had still thought that he knew her, and no matter her birth it was the person that she was now that mattered, or so she had started to think until he dumped her. It was something she had lived with all her life so it was difficult for her to comprehend someone not understanding it completely?

She heard a noise through one of the doors. Amy's door, it sounded like she was either silently laughing or crying herself to sleep. And everyone with a brain cell could tell which one it was. Jesus that girl had been a total mess since the wedding. And as much as she liked Farrah and thought she was a really good mother, she wasn't doing fuck all to help and neither was Shane, some best friend he was to Amy, skipping around with Pablo and probably ruining all future dance competitions for Lauren. But whatever that would end soon, they were not made to date each other. Ugh like that had ever been a good idea.

Lauren marched purposefully towards the door, fully intending to fix the problem by telling her to shut up and get on with it, just as she would with anyone else she deemed worthy enough to actually bother her. But just before her hand twisted the handle she paused, and yet again she found herself considering how she could actually help Amy. God she had preferred being an only child.

Lauren considered herself and she knew that even talking to Amy at this time wasn't going to help and she didn't think handling a crying girl was for her. They were not that close yet. So pulling on some decent clothing and silently sneaking out she helped the way that she knew how.

And so the next morning Amy awoke, the slight soreness of her eyes a painful reminder of the previous night's emotions. She rolled over and dreaded the day, and then her eyes settled on a slice of cake on her bedside table. Even if for just a moment she felt good.

**Still kinda short but hopefully I can be updating again soon. Not 100% sure where I'm going from here but yknow review?**


	5. Chapter 5

Amy leaned her head back, it hitting the wall with a soft thump and contemplates her options, she could jump on her initial instincts and reply to Karma's simple text with an essay on how everything was going and how much she missed her, but what good would that do? It's not like that would make Karma return her feelings. Or she could just reply with something really nonchalant and relaxed, it seemed like something a normal person would do but damn she was never any good at that, she didn't know if she could pull that off.

The spoon scraped the bottom of the tub as she dipped it back in. Scraping the remaining ice cream onto the spoon she shovelled the last remnants into her mouth, it melting as soon as it hit her tongue. She looked up as the door opened and was greeted by a short blonde rolling her eyes.

"Did you have to eat _all _of the ice cream?" Lauren asked, deep distaste routed in her voice. She did not have the patience for a pity party tonight.

"Like you'd eat it anyway" Amy muttered under hear breath.

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you can't complain when I eat junk food when you aren't going to eat it yourself."

"Well I'm sorry for wanting to watch my calories, thank whatever god there is that I'm not you. I know I tried to help you with cake but this is too far."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Amy mimicked Lauren's earlier question, reverting to an old childhood argument method and imitating Lauren's voice.

"It means that you're eating all your fucking feelings, and not that successfully, I can still fucking hear you at night you know. It's not even pathetic, it is beyond that now. Eating pints of ice cream isn't going to make Karma love you. _She never will_, not in the way you want." They were both almost yelling now and Lauren had strode into the bedroom, closer to Amy. In the heat of the moment she didn't even regret the last statement; it was fucking true wasn't it?

"Well what is you losing weight going to do? No matter how good you look it's not going to make people forget that you take pills Lauren." The girl's faces were inches away from each other now, eyes locked.

"Shut up, you don't know what you're talking about moron. You have no idea." Lauren looked away from Amy and down at the floor.

"Educate me then." Amy almost growled. The anger that filled her body was mixing with curiosity now; she needed to know what was happening to the girl that knew her secrets. It was only fair.

"I can't, you won't understand. Tommy didn't and no one will." Lauren said, her voice soft in response to the anger radiated at her.

"Tommy can't understand 2+2=4; I really don't think we are comparable."

"Still, I just can't."

Amy instinctively reached forward, hugging the shorter blonde before she could second guess herself. Lauren was confused but gave in to her current vulnerability and hugged Amy back.

"This never happened right?" Lauren spoke into Amy's shoulder.

"Not in a million years would I admit to it so nope."

And as quickly as she had appeared in the room, Lauren left. And Amy found refuge in her Netflix queue. Her phone lay forgotten and Karma's simple "Hey, I miss you." didn't get a reply at all.


End file.
